I am in a dilemma...........

I haven’t written for a month now, why I don't know. The past week had left me in a turmoil, what I lost I don't want to explain. What I lost is only my pain and pains are not to be discussed I guess. Nobody feels like hearing them. Well, I was seriously contemplating yesterday to delete this blog as I was no longer interested and since so many things had gone down the drain no point in holding on to this piece as well. I keep asking myself only one thing - Is it bad to plan things? I know God laughs at us when we plan things because we can't even anticipate what He plans for us. But I don't think there is a single person who doesn’t even plan vaguely of just a few days ahead of now. I am a bad planner; I plan only a couple of days ahead because what is the point of planning so much ahead and yet failure? But even that is useless, I plan and it just vanishes. I planned to take care of my baby for some more time but she left me abruptly, I planned for the best moments in my life and now they too are wiped off. I can’t be cheerful now but then everybody advises me to and when I hear others that’s when I remember those lines of my own poem which strikes me that reality is harder than life itself.
FEAR NONE, FEAR YOURSELF
Left with none, yet
left with yourself,
lost everything, as the wind says
Loss is a tradition,
A tragedy with varying colours
Words never convey it
felt by none the loser
I fell into this line
Long back, never resting till now
As its engine is always on.
God put off this engine, else
put off the fuel.
Life is everybody’s silver
some find wealth else content,
my jar was empty
as a black hole unknown,
my staircase never reaches up
I stand at the beginning, puzzled
Everyone judges, next time,
for sure, please, else
Its again a loss.
I fear myself as
the victim, I, the enemy me:
whom to point to or to scold?
Faults within me, never
consent to surrender
I console myself, yes, next time,
This ignites my heart.
Failures welcome me every instance
Incomplete without me, they are,
as I put it softly.
Wind blinds me to remind me this
in turn, I remind it to wipe off
memories, buried deep,
sweet once, bitter now,
to be turned to coffins
to be deeply slept off.
I close my eyes, yes,
I fear myself.